HOME Where Is God When We Suffer? Help Loved Ones Understand Our Booklets All About Where Is God  

Faith Matters The Book Corner  The Care Corner Time With God   How You Can Help   Make A Donation

Relationship With God Online Resources  Faith WebRings   Contact Us Sign Our Guestbook  

Join Our Mailing List  Join Our Online Support Group  



Where Is God Home Click Here


All About Where Is God Ministries 


Who we are, our purpose and how to contact us. 

Click Here


Read articles about us. Click Here


Where is God When We Suffer? 


Find hope and strength amidst suffering. 

Click Here


Help Loved Ones Understand


Have A Little Faith

A Guide to Ministering to Believers Living With Chronic Illness and Pain. 92 page booklet. Click Here


But You LOOK Good! 

A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging Loved Ones Living With Chronic Illness and Pain. 42 page booklet. Click Here


Read articles to help loved ones understand. 

Click Here

Faith Matters

Discover several articles that will encourage you and strengthen your faith.

Click Here

The Care Corner

Several pastors, doctors and theologians have joined WIGM to share their wisdom in the Care Corner. 

Click Here

The Book Corner

View favorite health and inspirational  books to order and help support this site. Click Here

Time With God

Be encouraged by devotionals, inspirational stories and testimonies. 

Click Here

Communication & Support 

View Our Guestbook 

Click Here


Sign Our Guestbook 

Click Here


Join the Online Support Group.

Click Here


Invisible Disabilities Advocate CHAT: Every Saturday 8-10PM Central. 

Click Here

Help Where Is God Ministries

How you can help spread the word. 

Click Here


With your donation, we can continue to be a voice for those living with disabilities.

Click Here


Online Resources

Links to ministries, websites and more. Click Here

Finding God

Would You Like to Have a Personal Relationship With Him & Receive His Gift of Salvation? Click Here


Have A

Little Faith!


A Guide to Ministering to Believers Living With Chronic Illness and Pain.





Including Shipping

in the US!


Prices available for orders outside of the US! Discounts for multi-packs! 

"Have A Little Faith!" - Helps Friends and Family See the Incredible Courage and Faith in Those Living With Debilitating Conditions!

Click Here for more information about the booklet, pricing and how to order!

Click Here to read Part One of the booklet for FREE!

Help Support Where Is God Ministries

By Purchasing Beautiful, Original Artwork!


Christian Art-Pierced



I Never Know What to Say or Do!

This article contains excerpts from:


“But You LOOK Good:

A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People

with Chronic, Debilitating Illness and Pain!” 


I Never Know

What to Say or Do!



paperx.wmf (2816 bytes)


-Learning How to Encourage and Help

Someone with a Chronic Condition-



Copyright © 2004

The Invisible Disabilities Advocate




ave you ever wanted to encourage someone with a chronic illness, but it seems like you never know what to say? Moreover, when you finally think of something you just know will make them smile, do they snap back at you with frustration?

Well, you are not alone. Because we truly want to help our friend or family member with a chronic condition, we often try to think of just the right words we can say to make all of the pain vanish from their life. If we can just “fix it” then we will not have to see them suffer anymore. Unfortunately, when we do try to come up with a quick answer, we often end up saying something that seems to irritate or offend our loved one.

It is difficult to understand why they got upset, because to us what we had to say should have been helpful. Nonetheless, if we could simply jump into the life of our loved one, then we would see why our well-meaning comments were not so well-received. Often, it is our intention to help them “see the bright side” of their situation, so they can realize it is “not that bad.” The problem is that we have then failed to acknowledge their battle is very real and we have gone on to minimize its impact. 

Sometimes we even try to point out another person who is “worse off” or try to relate by saying, “Ya, I am tired too.” Often, we disregard their limitations by attempting to talk them into doing what they know they cannot or should not do. Because we forget how anguishing is it to be ill and laid up, sometimes we even try to tell them “how lucky” they are to not have to work or clean their house.

What’s more, we cannot resist acting as if solving the problem is so simple when we exclaim, “why can’t you just take this or do that?” Likewise, we want so badly for them to be feeling better, that we refuse to hear the truth and do not allow them to be open and honest with us about what they are going through.

Besides not knowing what to say, we often do not know what to do. We often wish we could do something to help, but do not even know where to start. Our own lives can be so overwhelming and busy that we could never fathom having the time to run errands, do chores and help clean someone else’s home too!

Nevertheless, what we fail to realize is that what might seem like an insignificant effort to us, may save our loved one an entire day or even week’s worth of energy. For example, we can pick up a few things at the store while we are already there and take out the trash when we drop them off. We can drop them by some fresh flowers, deliver a meal, bring over a video to share or pick up their dry cleaning. None of these takes much of our time, but it can make a world of difference to them!

In all, we can never fully comprehend what it is like to have a chronic condition, with all of the loss and pain it poses. Yet, we know we would not want to feel this way ourselves, so surely we can see what courage our loved one displays! We can even try to remember what it is like to have to put our lives on hold for even just a few days and tell our loved ones how amazed we are at their strength and perseverance!

People with chronic illness/pain would never choose to willingly give up activities they used to enjoy! In fact, they would do just about anything to get their lives back! Therefore, we can rest assured, knowing they will keep fighting, researching and pursuing ways to regain their lives or at least prevent further progression of the disease.

Yes, acknowledging what is happening to a loved one means having to deal with all of its pain, mourning and changes, but do not sell yourself short! After all, if they are forced to live with it, we can certainly choose to live next to it!


"I Never Know What to Say or Do!" is an excerpt of Parts 3 and 4 of the 48 page booklet, But You LOOK Good: A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People Living with Chronic Illness and Pain! Copyright © 2004 The Invisible Disabilities Advocate: www.MyIDA.org. Visit WIGM's website for links, articles, support and booklet ordering: www.WhereIsGod.net. No internet? Send a SASE to: WIGM, P.O. Box 2345, Parker, CO 80134 to request a mail order form.  


Copyright © 2004 The Invisible Disabilities Advocate



Copyright Regulations:

IDA is NOT a legal authority, this article may NOT be used in ANY legal situations.

This article is Part One of the 48 page booklet, "But You LOOK Good" and CANNOT BE COPIED OR PRINTED! You may order  "But You LOOK Good" for a very nominal fee (cost of printing, binding, shipping, etc.) from this website! 

You must REQUEST PERMISSION from IDA if you would like to PUBLISH THIS ARTICLE or excerpts from this article in your newsletter or magazine. Publication, extraction of quotes, paragraphs, etc. is strictly prohibited without permission! 

To request permission to publish this article in your newsletter or magazine, please E-Mail:



Order Our 48 Page Booklet!

"But You LOOK Good: A Guide To Understanding and Encouraging People with Chronic, Debilitating Illness and Pain!"

To Order: Please send $4.95 (for printing, binding, shipping, etc.) for each booklet (includes postage in the US). Make the check payable to WIGM and Send Order To:


P.O. Box 2345

Parker, Colorado 80134

For More Information on the booklet, pricing, discounts on larger quantities, ordering, table of contents, etc: 


1) Click Here

2) Visit Where Is God Ministries: www.WhereIsGod.net

3) Or e-mail WIGM at: orders@whereisgod.net


*Note! IDA reserves the right to make changes, edits in content without notice; and, the booklet differs slightly from the website!


WIGM is a Colorado Non-Profit Organization


Jesus Hug1.gif (27948 bytes)"The devil comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it in full" (John 10:10).


Would You Like to Know How to Have a

Personal Relationship with God? Click Here!


HOME / When Tragedy Happens / Have You Abandoned Me?

God Allow Bad Things? / Help Loved Ones Understand

How Can We Help? / Seeing Invisible Disabilities

Just As I Am / A Formula to Guarantee Health?

What is Faith? / Time With God A Husband's Love

  Testimonies / Ministry/Resources Links

Faith WebRings / Relationship With God

 View Our Guestbook / Sign Our Guestbook


Visit The Home of The Invisible Disabilities Advocate 

IDA's Support Board / IDA's Chat Room